These are scribblings I wrote at 3 different intervals describing who I hoped to be in the future. I find it interesting to see what changed and what stayed the same and I'm curious as to what future writings will look like. I turned the first stanza into a zine which can be found on my Etsy shop here.

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Transcript:

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10/2019

There is someone I want to be

I want to be the ultimate human

I want to be soft and powerful

I want to feel my emotions, know them, act on them when I choose

I want to be logical and direct my thoughts in ways that improve my well-being

I want shame and guilt and fear to only exist as they were meant--when they are deserved

I want to wield power when I want, submit when I want

I want to know that I am someone changing and even if I don’t know who I am at the moment, I am still someone worth being

 

7/6/2020

I have a desire to be a moonlit witch

A fearsome woman who dances naked

And communes with nature

I desire to be emotional and wise and confident in my own skin and thoughts

But how can I do that living in my little modern house

With my little anxiety disorders

My unkind thoughts aimed like daggers at my own heart

My phone connected to me as an artery

And my loneliness welling up and pushing against all the boundaries I have so carefully placed?

 

1/23/2021

I want to be an unshakable person

Someone who can allow others the space to feel their feelings

Someone whose core identity isn’t shaken by others’ need to process or unload

I want to be myself and to know that myself is enough always

I want to truly grasp that humans and life are messy and that I won’t survive it forever and that’s okay

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